|"Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Rae lamar Wiggins, alias ray Carruth, but my friends call me Beldar Conehead! I will be your tour guide today at the bonus point hall of fame."|
"Hello and welcome back from your old pal Rae Carruth, tour guide at the BPHoF! This has to be
one of the proudest days of my life. I know some people like to say the day
their child is born is their proudest moment. But for me, as you may
remember, that day was not so happy since I had tried to arrange a hit on the
boy and his mom earlier that same day.
"Some people may look at my life as one failure after another. I was a wasted first round pick by Carolina. The drive-by hit I masterminded didn't work as planned. My slick getaway in the trunk of a Camry was ratted out by the person driving the car. My efforts at holding onto the soap here in prison have been no more successful than my attempts at holding onto the football back in the NFL.
"But I have finally found something to be proud of when the JCFFL made me the caretaker of the Bonus Point Hall of Fame.
"The Panthers spent the whole '02 season aspiring to match the level of character that I set the standard for back in the day. Ladies and gentlemen, every member of this team, from Rod "He Hate Me" Smart to Chris "NyQuell's husband" Terry deserves a round of applause!"
"This is what you all came for - to read about the best of the best. Click on the links below to read about these all time bonus point superstars. Who was the first inductee of all time (Dimitrius Underwood)? What legendary meltdown did he have to get here (a couple, actually)? Compare and contrast the 2002 Carolina Panthers vs. the 2006 Cincinnati Bengals! Who earned their BP with more style? "
|Dimitrius Underwood||R. Jay Soward|
|2002 Carolina Panthers||Cade McNown|
|Sebastian Janikowski||Chris Hanson|
|William Green||2006 Cincinnati Bengals|
|Pacman Jones||Chris Henry|
|Plaxico Burress||Adrian Peterson|
"Back already? You know you have to click on the inductee's name to read his life story, right? Take your time, I need some time to write my alibi!"
"This concludes our
tour. Feel free to peruse the many unique items in our gift shop, such as
the Chris Hanson model fondue set, Plaxico Burress brand sweatpants with gun
holster, and of course the rapping R. Jay Soward's greatest hits box set.
"Notice the tip jar on the counter. Please help your old tour guide out. They only pay me three cigarettes a day, and bail keeps getting higher each time I escape."
"Any questions? You there in the back - - Yes, I know it was a short tour. What did you expect from a Hall of Fame with only 14 inductees? NO, there aren't any refunds! If you have signed the Guest Book, my boys back home will conducting a drive-by on you shortly! Thank you and have a nice day!"