London
Princesses
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London
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| Prince Charles Award (Toilet Bowl winner) | Kordell Stewart Award (worst QB) | LVP (most worthless player) |
Prince Charles... Vince Lombardi of the JCFFL? Each year Charles makes it seem less and less a stretch. He has sent London to the playoffs every year with an insane 5-2 playoff record. Who could have predicted the 12-4 2001 SB champs would go 4-12 to become the 2002 TB champs? As scary as it sounds, no coach is more feared during the playoffs than Prince Charles.
The London Princesses took the Toilet Bowl once again this season. Super scrub QB Matt "Knight Rider" Hasselbeck went off for 31.6 points to win the game MVP award. London fans are strangely complacent their fourth bowl game win. They don't seem to care that they went from winning the Super Bowl last year to the Toilet Bowl this year. "As long as we can win a bowl game at the end of the year and have a smashing parade, I say, good show," said coach Prince Charles.
Kurt Warner wasn't out there chucking interceptions for the Princesses, but they still lost because the Interns' ATL D scored 20 bonus points. Coach Monica hopes to open a hot dog stand this offseason, while Coach Prince Charles is making plans for winning his third Toilet Bowl crown next week.
The Circus Honkeys finished their season with the #1 score of the week, but not many of their hillbilly fans showed up to see it. Coach Captain Lou Albano was sympathetic. "I would feel bad if they used their money to buy tickets instead of fixing their teeth."
It's been two years since Alyssa Milano received an e-mail declaring "I Love You," but today the Orlando coach said she's finally given up hope of ever hearing from the sender again.
The Mucks dominated thanks to a high-scoring scrub QB replacement for Griese and another great game from the TB D. Late in the game Warren Sapp lit up a spliff right there on the field to celebrate.
The Princesses were quick to blame shoddy turf between the hash marks as the reason for this defeat. It's always something with those pansies.
As for the future, every Powerpuff Girl cheerleader plans on doing her part to make the world a way better place by showing as much ass is allowed during dance routines. Raise the roof!
Both Road Rage and Princesses fans started wearing paper bags on their heads at games weeks ago. After this loss, Charlotte fans are thinking of switching to burkas.
Prince Charles grabbed Marc Bulger off the free agent pile in an attempt to re-create the 1999 scrub QB magic of Kurt Warner. Bulger is playing like a "Rudy" piece of shit, nothing, nobody, son-of-a-crackwhore so far.
Tim Couch was listed as "probable" with a concussion and "questionable" for emotional scarring.
It turns out the whole "sell your soul to the devil to win the championship" thing last year was just a one-time deal for Prince Charles.
The Lizards came out with the week's top score after hearing coach Powers' pre-game speech: "Play like all-stars, party like rock stars, and hammer like porn stars, oh yeah
baby!"
Bandwagon fans are leaving London like rats off a sinking ship. The Princesses had the league's worst score for the second straight week. Some British fans are even claiming that Pflugerville is in England and switching over to the Lizards.
Is it any wonder they don't let Prince Charles become king? Charles stockpiled some chemical weapons in anticipation for this week's battle against Al Queda, then accidentally unleashed them on his own home team fans.
Prince Charles gives his players pima cotton pajamas when they first sign up with the world champion London Princesses. They get a mint in training camp next to their bed as well as a full working sauna in each room.
Ah, it's good to be the king... well that's what Prince Charles keeps telling himself. London better enjoy it while it lasts, as nobody has ever successfully defended the JCFFL crown. 2000 showed that Kurt Warner cannot carry a team by himself, and the loss of Shaun Alexander hurts their hopes of repeating. Prince Charles may have to find another FA gem for the third time in four years for London to have any chance.
Halfway into the season, London was stuck at 4-4 and the season was looking dicey. Then Coach Prince Charles turned to the free agents page and found Shaun Alexander, who turned out to be the best FA pickup since Charles himself inked superstar Kurt Warner in 1998. With Alexander and Warner, London had the needed one-two run-pass punch. They finshed with the greatest end of the season run in JCFFL history, winning their last eight straight. London became the fourth champon in the league's four year history and joined Orlando and Tijuana in the record books with the best single-season record in history at 12-4.
The Princesses made the playoffs for the first time in 1999, had the defending MVP in Kurt Warner, and wanted to do better this season. Unfortunately, they didn't have a good draft and Warner had to basically carry the team the entire way. It looked like Warner alone could do it in the first half of the season, as London was playoff-bound with a 5-2 record. But Warner gave in to all the pressure and injured himself in week 8. Like the London Bridge, their season came falling down. They ended up as the only established team to have a losing record against expansion teams. Scoring a league-record low -5 points in the final regular-season game locked London into their second Toilet Bowl. Warner rebounded in TB III as London barely defeated Quebec 51-50. Prince Charles took home the Bird Brain Award for being the worst coach in the league just two years after winning the Genius Award for being the best coach.
With franchise player Brett Favre and first round pick Terrell Davis, the defending Toilet Bowl champion Princesses seemed like a force to be reckoned with in the preseason. Instead, Davis' injury early in the season forced them to struggle with the rest of the pack. The free agent signing of Kurt Warner helped the Princesses get ahead and take the last playoff spot at 8-6. The Queen Mum was so taken with Warner, she made him an official member of the royal family. London lost to the Teletubbies in round one of the playoffs.
The London Princesses were a mid-season addition to JCFFL, when coach Prince Charles felt he needed some way to rekindle the memory of Princess Diana. The league office was wary of Prince Charles' coaching ability, and scheduled him to play several non-league teams. Normally pushovers only used for league homecoming games, these opponents were filled with ringers to completely embarrass Charles and force him to give up coaching.
The Prince responded by giving inspirational speeches about Diana before each game to his players (as well as spending half of the Crown Jewels on the best assistant coaching staff in the world). The Princesses went on to win the Toilet Bowl, and Prince Charles won the award for coach of the year.
| Team Owner | ||
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| Ken Beury is a member of an alien race disguised as an ordinary human. They are infiltrating our society, slowly gathering necessary information until one day they will take us over. |
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