San Antonio Muckrackers


Hot Dog Award (longest winning streak)	Armor Award (best D)	Lucky Bastard Award (Couch Potato Olympics)

San Antonio Muckrackers 2002 Season Recap (8-6 RS)

There are still people in San Antonio scratching their heads over the Mucks' 2002 season. After being mocked for drafting Bubba Franks and losing their home opener, the heat was on Dennis Rodman. He used it to light a fire under his players' asses, as San Antonio went on to win 7 straight games. They had a record of 7-1 and were within easy grasp of a playoff spot. But then a collapse of Vatican City Saints proportions happened and the Mucks lost 5 of their final 6 games.

Week 14: Walleyes 49, Muckrackers 41

Walleye fans want the team to dump coach Tom Arnold next year and bring in a proven winner with better hair.

Week 13: Powerpuff Girls 66, Muckrackers 49

Coach Rodman became the first coach to win the coin flip and choose to kick off at the start of both halves.

Week 12: Muckrackers 81, Princesses 41

The Mucks dominated thanks to a high-scoring scrub QB replacement for Griese and another great game from the TB D. Late in the game Warren Sapp lit up a spliff right there on the field to celebrate.

Week 11: Road Rage 56, Muckrackers 37

Randy Moss defended himself this week against criticism that he's soft. "Hey baby, I can take a hit. Matter of fact, each day when I get home, I take three or four deep ones, grab some Krispy Kremes, and I'm pretty much set for the evening."

Week 10: Circus Honkeys 79, Muckrackers 37

Edgerrin reported to the Ft. Washington team this week after spending his entire career on the now-disbanded Fudge Packers. Coach Albano was disappointed to see that the mismanaged team had turned Edge into a complete wreck. He was still strung out from his Flutie Flake addiction which began two years ago.
The Circus Honkeys shipped him off to a New Mexico spa where he will be force-fed cucumbers, celery, and carrot juice for the next few weeks.

Week 9: Ozzies 58, Muckrackers 30

The Ozzies really know how to use their home field advantage. The Mucks knew they were in trouble the minute they stepped out onto the field and realized that the game was going to be officiated by the board of directors from Enron. “Frankly we wanted a crew that was easily intimidated, capable of withholding judgement and will do what they are told,” explained Dick Cheney.

Week 7: Muckrackers 81, Transvestite Terror 55

You have to think that more Bundys are on the way for Marshall Faulk. The StL Rams coach finally figured out that their QB is a scrub.

Week 6: Muckrackers 80, Fudge Packers 38

Mini-Me put on a Colts sweatshirt, headed into the post game press conference, and said in his most maniacal Jim Mora voice: "Playoffs? Playoffs?!? We suck!" over and over again.

Week 5: Muckrackers 67, Suicides 48

Only the Seoul Suicides were willing to play against San Antonio on the Muckrackers' wildly popular "D-Cell Battery Night" -- where Ziploc bags of batteries are handed out to San Antonio fans at the gate.

Week 3: Muckrackers 58, Interrogatives 43

The Interrogatives have something in common with the STL Rams: nobody can believe how bad they are sucking with such a great roster. Fans are upset with coach Trebek for playing mind games with Jeff Garcia, who has gone from MVP candidate to negative-points scoring scrub.

Week 2: Muckrackers 75, Suicides 40

The Suicides sent a clear signal that they are headed for the Toilet Bowl this year when they picked up Joey Harrington. Coach Bob Costas initially tried to put a happy spin on it: "We have high hopes for Joey. He can hang out with me on the sidelines and we can talk about life. We needed somebody to help move the Gatorade jugs, too. Who better to help out than a guy who never gets into the game?"
But Bob finally lost his brave facade when a reporter asked if Harrington was really the #2 QB behind Brooks now. The coach broke down in tears and replied, "Man, we really do suck, don't we?"

Week 1: Lounge Lizards 52, Muckrackers 37

One coach has already turned against commissioner Jerry Lewis: Austin Powers, who believes Jerry is Fat Bastard in disguise.

San Antonio Muckrackers 2002 Training Camp Report

Jerry Lewis' sidekick Ed McMahon burst out laughing and Jerry's kids started booing after Coach Rodman drafted Bubba Franks in the seventh round. Most coaches wouldn't have drafted Bubba Franks until the twelfth round [note: there is no twelfth round]. Amazingly, Dennis Rodman is one of JCFFL's longest tenured coaches. And even though Rodman led the Mucks to the championship two years ago, he might be wearing out his welcome.
. Rodman responded to the criticism: "I just wanted to have somebody named Bubba on the roster this year. Besides, who cares. Everyone knows Marshall Faulk will Bundy us into the playoffs as usual."

San Antonio Muckrackers 2001 Season Recap (7-7 RS)

Marshall Faulk showed the world he was human and San Antonio returned to its old ways, finishing the 2001 season at .500, the same way they have done every season except for their title year in 2000. And with the .500 finish comes another dubious distinction: The Mucks became the first JCFFL champ not to make back to the playoffs in the following season. But owner Mick shouldn't worry about it too much since no JCFFL champ has ever successfully defended his title.

San Antonio Muckrackers 2000 Season Recap (10-6 SB W)

The preseason favorite to win it all, San Antonio wasn't a sure bet going into Week 13. At 6-6, in the middle of the pack, they seemed beatable... until the Mucks became the Marshall Faulk show. With Faulk leading the way, the Mucks won their last four games and took home the JCFFL trophy. In the greatest playoff performance ever seen in the JCFFL, Faulk had two straight Bundy games and earned the nickname "Mr. December". In total, San Antonio had four Bundys and wreaked havoc on all four teams whose names they changed.

Iceland Muckrackers 1999 Season Recap (7-7 RS)

This .500 team suffered all season from poor coaching. Coach Dennis Rodman spent all his time dealing with cheerleaders while the team was left to coach itself. Even during games, Coach Rodman couldn't be found on the sidelines -- instead he would be in the locker room personally showing a cheerleader some "new moves". The Muckrackers had a dismal record at home because they were not motivated to play in the frigid Iceland weather.

Iceland Muckrackers 1998 Season Recap (5-5 TB L)

The Muckrackers were coached by Dennis Rodman, who just happened to be in Iceland due to the NBA lockout and wanted something to do. Iceland's season was as streaky as their coach's hair color. They started the season out with four straight losses, and looked to be ready to claim a share of the Cold Turkey award. Instead, the Icelanders won their next five games.
After the Muckrackers won their final game and earned a share of the Hot Dog award, the Iceland government gave \$1 million dollar bonuses to every player. Government officials believed any reference that included "hot" and Iceland together would boost tourism.

Coach: Maria Sharapova
Franchise Player: Clinton Portis

San Antonio Trophy Case