Coach: Ralph Macchio
Franchise Player: None

Yongsan Trophy Case

Seoul Suicides 2002 Season Recap (6-10 TB L)

Playing in front of Koreans, coached by Bob Costas, and with a name like Suicides, this team was destined to lose the Toilet Bowl. Their TB loss was very hard on Americans, who had hoped a terrorist Mumia leading Philly to SB victory combined with a TB victory for North Korea's neighbor could help relations with USA's biggest hostile threats. But Seoul lost, and Costas was last seen carrying around a sword normally used in a certain Japanese ritual.

Toilet Bowl: Princesses 64, Suicides 44

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

TB Playoffs: Road Rage 61, Suicides 39

The coaching career of Charlotte coach Tonya Harding is over, as she was fired after the game. Tonya actually had a worse record than the 1-5 start which got Jerry Springer fired. Charlotte crowds had taken to taunting her with chants of "Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" the past few weeks during games.
Meanwhile, the season continues on into the Toilet Bowl for the Suicides, who only want to put an end their misery once and for all.

Week 14: Assault & Batteries 67, Suicides 28

Season tickets for the Assault & Batteries are already sold out through the 2009 season. To be placed on the A&B season ticket waiting list, please call (813) 879-2827. Cryogenic freezing is now available.

Week 13: Suicides 61, Lounge Lizards 28

The game experienced excessive delays as the refs constantly headed off to the sideline to do instant replay reviews almost every down. It turns out that Austin Powers had the instant replay camera on the sideline replaced with a peep show booth.

Week 12: Walleyes 58, Suicides 43

Aaron Brooks had a headache, but accidentally took a Viagra pill instead of aspirin minutes before the game. The result was the most awkward first half of the Seoul QB's career, as his protective cup protruded noticeably under his uniform pants.
Seoul WRs were not very productive because they were being very careful to avoid eye contact with Brooks throughout the game.

Week 11: Suicides 53, Pyongyang Blind Academy 50

The Suicides snuck away with the win after coach Costas came up with the idea of hiding the football under their jerseys.

Week 10: Interrogatives 59, Suicides 40

The Suicides have been preoccupied with thoughts nuclear attack by North Korea ever since the recent statements from Kim Jong Il. Seoul players spent the week getting their affairs in order in case the end is near.

Week 9: Fudge Packers 76, Suicides 43

Seoul's theme song is "Taps", but it was the Fudge Packers who decided to end it all after this game by disbanding their team.

Week 7: Suicides 69, Princesses 38

Prince Charles grabbed Marc Bulger off the free agent pile in an attempt to re-create the 1999 scrub QB magic of Kurt Warner. Bulger is playing like a "Rudy" P.O.S., nothing, nobody, son-of-a-crackwhore so far.

Week 6: Suicides 57, Interns 43

Falcons cornerback Ray Buchanan, serving a suspension for violating the league's substance abuse policy, was denied reinstatement this week. "I miss Sundays,' he said. "Walking onto the field and seeing those white lines always gets me excited."

Week 5: Muckrackers 67, Suicides 48

Only the Seoul Suicides were willing to play against San Antonio on the Muckrackers' wildly popular "D-Cell Battery Night" -- where Ziploc bags of batteries are handed out to San Antonio fans at the gate.

Week 3: Suicides 49, Swingers 36

The suicide rate in Seoul dropped dramatically this weekend when the Suicides logged the first win in franchise history.

Week 2: Muckrackers 75, Suicides 40

The Suicides sent a clear signal that they are headed for the Toilet Bowl this year when they picked up Joey Harrington. Coach Bob Costas initially tried to put a happy spin on it: "We have high hopes for Joey. He can hang out with me on the sidelines and we can talk about life. We needed somebody to help move the Gatorade jugs, too. Who better to help out than a guy who never gets into the game?"
But Bob finally lost his brave facade when a reporter asked if Harrington was really the #2 QB behind Brooks now. The coach broke down in tears and replied, "Man, we really do suck, don't we?"

Week 1: Circus Honkeys 58, Suicides 40

Emmitt Smith really misses all the hookers and blow that used to be around the clubhouse when Nate Newton and Michael Irvin were around.

Seoul Suicides 2002 Training Camp Report

Bob Costas is the anti-Springer. Whereas Road Rage coach Jerry Springer encites rage into his players, Bob fills his players with sheer misery from listening to random sports anecdotes that never end. It is already becoming a team tradition to have suicides take place on-field and in the locker room at halftime of every game. The DET D already did themselves in in the parking lot outside after the whole draft debacle. Who can forget what happened in the next-to-last round, when coach Costas tried to choose every possible D that had already been taken, and then finally he drafted a kicker instead.

Team Owner
		Erick Henson is 28 years old, military, married, with two children. Likes to golf even though he sucks at it. Grew up in Los Angeles and NYC. Went to Boston University (ENG '98). Wife is from England (no she's not fat and her teeth are straight - cool accent too). He likes football, beer, and nachos. Favorite teams: Raiders, Dodgers, Lakers, Kings Teams he would claim to have always loved if they ever win their respective championships: Angels, Clippers, Buccaneers. Dislikes: Anything Texas (except for Biggio and Bagwell) and anything Florida (except for the Buccaneers).